Reading horoscopes and meeting her

I did mention I was supposed to write my master thesis, I do hope I did.

As I have been a lazy and silly little brat all the time, I almost forgot why I came to Munich. It surely wasn’t to date, this I can ensure. I came here to finish my thesis. To be honest I came here to be a little far way from home and not live in my small university town. This town I spent my last 4 years in, this so called small town is actually very pretty and it has the most wonderful people I ever met. Let’s call it Blossomblues.

When you walk through the cobbled streets and look at the baroque stil houses, you feel like you somehow have time travelled. The streets are always clean and the trees mostly blossom. Most of the time the town is covered with fog, but it still has its charm. Life in this perfect heaven should be bright, right? Well certainly but if you have a reckless heart, things might turn out a bit unexpected.

Living in Blossomblues was not always easy. At times I loved it and then again I couldn’t bare the prettiness, the perfect lawns and the extremely well mannered folks. When I came to Blossomblues I was just 19, a teenager indeed. I expected life to be exciting and full of adventures. But things weren’t exactly as I imagined them to be. I don’t know if the fault lies in our stars or if  our choices make us the people we turn out to be. But I sometimes like pretending as if our fates were predetermined. I do this at times, when I feel miserable. My tactic of getting my head up high is reading horoscope. I know I am silly and childish, but this really helps me.

You know I feel miserable, if you happen to find me in the front row of a supermarket, where all the girly magazines are. I never really intend on buying these magazines, due to their less interesting content. So I sometimes stand there for hours and read all the horoscopes in all the girly magazines. The next time you happen to see someone standing in Penny, Edeka, Rewe, and co going through different girly magazines for hours, it’s probably me. I even thought of an excuse I would tell the staff, in case they question me of my standing around for hours, scrolling through the magazines, I actually should pay for. I would just let them know, I was looking for the magazine, where my good friend recently published a very interesting article. I don’t know if this scenario will ever take place, but I like being prepared.

Getting back to the horoscope situation, I do not read those to follow my predetermined fate, as described by the so called astrologer. I know the content is randomly chosen and that it applies to every second person reading it. But what I do is, I read the horosopes, fade out the bad prophecies in my head and just focus on the good ones. And this works for me. It keeps me occupied for a while and makes me forget how miserable I am actually feeling. Some do video games, others eat a lot of chocolates, others go out and I do horoscopes.

I don’t quite remember but my horoscope for 2010 didn’t really have a lot of adventure on the list I guess. Well that’s why I landed in Blossomblues. Actually it was due to my grades, I didn’t have the best grades, so I wasn’t in the position to choose a city or university I wanted to go to. I was just sent to Blossomblues. This is a german kind of system. For some majors you apply online on one platform for the universities you want to go to and according to your grades they either send you to a universitiy that accepts you or you do not get acctepted by any university at all. As you see I should have considered myself lucky, but I have been infected with this disease of always demanding the best. Therefore, I rather considered myself unlucky.

The start in Blossomblues didn’t make it easier for me either. As I was one of the students who got their acceptance letter very late, due to my not best grades of course, I came to Blossomblues about a week after the university started. Just imagine me : a 19 year old, insecure, reckless and standing in Blossomblues, in a fall semester, where the skies are grey and the fogs are dense. To top this all I didn’t even have a place to stay. The hotels were too expensive, the apartments were all fully rented and even the hostels were completely booked. How could I ever develop a healthy relationship with Blossomblues facing these premises?

My grandpa somehow managed to get me a room in a monastery. This was not my definition of a student life. I had watched all those hollywood movies about the wild student parties and I started my year in a monastery, where the bells rang at 5 am, which is when the praying began. I sometimes cried myself to sleep, because this seemed like the most convenient thing to do, having no internet, tv or radio to draw my attention off to something else. This is a real proof of me being addicted to all those stuff.

But life had some better plans for me, so I could rent a room in a guest house after three weeks in the monastery and then I stayed in that guest house for the entire semester. The guest house didn’t have a kitchen, hence all I ate was fast food and it might not be very surprising to hear that I gained 12 kilogramms in my first year of university.

So much to a wild party life I thought, but then I met her. I went out with some people I had some classes with. Going out in Blossomblues meant going to a university hall with only about 100 to 200 people allowed in it. Mostly we went to some sheds and drank beer, because cocktails hadn’t had their era in Blossomblues. Well in one of those lousy so called parties, I saw her, she had long blond hair and she had this arrogant little smile on her face and I liked her. She wore tight pants and a flower print shirt and in the crowd of dull young people she was noticeable. I had never actually approached someone in my life, neither love interests nor just nice people I wanted to get to know. This was a tough task for my 19 year old brain and I kept telling myself I really want her to be my friend. And we did become friends, even really good ones.

I couldn’t imagine how dull Blossomblues would have been for me without her. With her I got the confidence to feel and be whatever I wanted to be. I had a great first year in Blossomblues, met the best people and I even had something similar to a party life.

And four years later I decided to leave her, leave the town, the friends I made, the places I loved and the town which gave me so much love and helped me grow up a little. I left the town without any regret. I did this because I was getting reckless, I couldn’t bare the prettiness, the cobbled streets and all the people I loved. I wanted to go and discover the world, I wanted to meet people of all ethnicities, travel and live in fancy big cities. I felt indespiceable and strong and as if the world belonged to me. But a deep little voice within me, kept me reminding, I did all this because he broke my heart. Well he, was a very dramatic part of my student life, but at the moment that does not matter. All that matters is me getting my throbbing head full of ideas stop wandering and focusing on my thesis, but all I do is wonder. I wonder, if there is any explaination about my dreamy head in some of the recent horoscopes.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s