Ditched on a date with Dan

In my last post, I mentioned having installed all those dating apps. Mostly because I was feeling the immense pressure of getting my life fixed and at some point because I really thought I needed to go out and get to know some new people. I mean I know a dating app is not the solution to all my problems. My problems seem to be of a different, much deeper nature. But this, I will explain any other time, but now.

Getting a dating app is just one thing but really using it to find the love of your life, is something completely different. So let’s take a simple example of tinder. Though the image of the app being very controversal, I decided to try it out. You know the thing with this app is, it’s very superficial. You see the pictures of your potential love interest, then you either swipe right or left. If you swipe right you like the person and if you swipe left you are not into that person. It’s all about the looks and it might not be very surprising to know that many use this app as an ego boost. I at some point think that’s what I am doing too. As I don’t really want to go out on a real date with the pictures I see online, I just want them to like me. Or let’s say I want them to like the image of myself that I have created online.

So, if two strangers happen to swipe right on each other’s picture, the app shows a match, suggesting you might be into the person who likes the image of you online. Many are just satisfied with a match, as it’s mostly all about ego boost.

Every now and then you text with your matches. Either you text with your matches and fix a date as soon as possible, or you just keep on texting until you do not have any topics to talk about.

The problem you see is not the app, but the images of people you get to know via the app. What you actually do not know is the person behind the app. When you meet someone in a real life context and get to know them as a person, you have a completely different image of them in your head. You remember their smiles, the way they smell, the way they talk and foremost the way they made you feel. All this does not take place without ever seeing the person. So it’s much more easier to avoid their images, as if they were the memories of someone you never knew, like a Fata Morgana. So if you decide to go on a date with a Fata Morgana, you need to get yourself prepared for every perks that come along with it.

Here’s how my date with my Fata Morgana went:  I liked this considerabely nice looking young man on tinder. Let’s call him Dan. Dan wore a nice sweater and he looked very sympathetic on his pictures. I mostly go for the down-to-earth types with a nice face and a good sense of style. But with Dan I just went for the down-to-earth feature. And this made me very proud of myself. I liked the way it made me feel about myself, knowing I was about to go on a date with a guy who seemed nice and funny according to his way of texting. With this knowledge I got myself all cleaned and powdered on the day of our date. This was the first time I would ever see him in real life and this somehow got me a little excited. I went to our meeting point with a healthy anxiousness and then I saw him. I knew some people look somewhat different in real life, but Dan was just a product of my fantasy. He was small, maybe 5’4” approximately and very skinny. But the most disturbing thing was he wore flared pants and chunky shoes. It was this moment when I realized how superficial I was and the image of the nice person I wanted to be, very much differed from my superficial heart. For a moment I thought of turning around and going back home, but I couldn’t do that. It was like a contract I signed, once you sign a contract you cannot just go back, just because you then want something different. So I went to Dan introduced myself and put a nice smile on my face. And I really tried hard to get our conversation on the run but the chemistry between us just didn’t seem to be right.

Dan was a really different kind of a young man. He started talking about himself being a lawyer and about “the fact” that lawyers were the strongly underpaid people and no one would ever rent their apartments to lawyers because no one trusted them. Me myself being a humanities scholar couldn’t really listen to the crap he was talking about. I live in Germany and if you live in Germany you know professions like hair dressers, pre school teachers, apprenticeships and humanities scholars are underpaid. But why on earth would a lawyer think his profession does not allow him to have the kind of life he deserves. But I still listened to every little piece of nonsense he was talking about and put a fake smile on my face. At this point you need to know, I am bad at faking stuff, everyone eventually notices that I am just pretending something. Anyway, we went to a bar and I thought of ordering a cocktail and I even recommended him some of the cocktails I liked, but all he said was he is ordering a Cola Light and I could get sloshed if I wanted to.

You might imagine, this was a very weird situation to deal with. So I just smiled and started a new topic. What came next, was something that left me speechless. While I was telling Dan something about some stuff I liked, he interrupted me. Then everything went so fast, I couldn’t even explain what happened. He said something like, “you are not having any fun right, so let’s just end this and spare ourselves the time. You don’t suit me.” He got up and left the bar. Hence, there I was in this bar speechless about what just happened. I had been trying so hard to be nice on a date with a  person I was not at all into and he just ditched me without any bad feelings.

 

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5 thoughts on “Ditched on a date with Dan

  1. Yiorgos says:

    I’ve gone on several online dates and the “cold-leaving” thing happened only once and actually it was years and years ago and it was rather a “group blind date” (3 guys 2 girls), so if this happened, you must have made it very clear with your body language & facial expressions that you weren’t having fun, so I’d say it was a good move (even if not so gentleman-ish) from the guy.

    I’d like to make some remarks though: I understand his physics were disappointing, this is because you fell in the “imaginative ideal online date trap”. You basically constructed an image in your head of how the guy should look like. Big mistake. I am 100% sure, even if he would be taller, more muscular, he would still not being able to compete with your imagination – because everything’s perfect in our imagination. My most intense crushes were when I purposely underestimated the looks of my potential date. And, even if I’ve been on tens of online dates, my crushes were solely girls I met outside of the internet. Which leads to my next remark:
    Don’t do online dating. Meeting someone under normal circumstances can save you lots of time and trouble. Dating is tricky already as it is, adding one more step of complexity with meeting someone you’ve only seen pictures from only makes it harder.
    Also, with time, you’ll know how to ask the right questions, and you’ll be able to “weed-out” the ones you have no compatibility with.
    But, you sound very picky, I’d advise to try to be more open to different people, you never know where love can come from.

    • Helloworld says:

      Dear Yiorgios, your thoughts and your dating experiences seem pretty reasonable and I will try going a normal date with someone I eventually happen to meet, but for now, well I have this app, so I need to try it out. Afterall, giving up by the very first bad experience, wouldn’t be the best choice ❤

  2. samlobos says:

    Good for you for at least trying. I do not date online but I recently went on a date with someone who does on the regular. I didn’t like the feeling of being judged at face value and then dismissed. It was like he “swiped left” in his head while I was right in front of him. Because I don’t like camping and other ridiculous reasons. And this was someone I knew from college! It’s tough out there. So I wish you all the luck.

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